Connection before correction

As parents, it’s easy to fall into a habit of yelling at or nagging our kids to get them to do what we want. We all do it, and that’s completely understandable, especially when we’re in the midst of our busy lives. But most of the time we don’t get the result we’re looking for that way. We get resistance or pushback, and everyone winds up feeling worse.

Think about how you respond when you feel nagged at. Do you feel more like doing the thing? Would you feel differently if first you felt a sense of connection, maybe through eye contact, a hug, or kind words, and then received a thoughtful request?

Try this with your kids! It’s best to start small, when you don’t have pressing time constraints or much stake in what you’re asking. If you can practice reframing things so that connection, not correction, is your top priority, you might start to notice more cooperation, and a better relationship.